談管教（箴13章）

不忍用杖打兒子的、是恨惡他．疼愛兒子的、隨時管教。（箴 13：24）

在人本思想高張的今天，管教兒女在有些國家算為違法行為。記得我曾在日本的教會講宗教教育專題，只要聖經怎麼說，我就怎麼講，因為：「奸惡的使者、必陷在禍患裏．忠信的使臣、乃醫人的良藥。（箴 13：17）」這裡說到兩種傳道人，一種是「奸惡的使者」，專講你愛聽的話，卻不是真理，最後使聽到他的人，包含他自己「必陷在禍患裡」。為了要成為忠信的使臣，於是放膽依照聖經說關於教養孩童的真理。

教養孩童、使他走當行的道、就是到老他也不偏離。（箴 22：6）

愚蒙迷住孩童的心、用管教的杖可以遠遠趕除。（箴 22：15）

會後，有一位媽媽來問我問題，她的態度很誠懇，卻很憂心。她說：「有一天我管教了我小學的孩子，他也接受他的錯誤。但是他問我：『媽媽，那今天聯絡簿裡面，關於家長有沒有體罰的這一欄，要勾什麼？』」她說她都知道要按照聖經教養，但是要跟學校老師說謊嗎？當下，覺得撒但很厲害，竟然挑小孩子下手。

其實聖經的教訓，關於管教、直接就是用杖責打，這是神的教訓，而且這是有智慧的方法，因為神也自己這麼說：

所以你們要謹守遵行、這就是你們在萬民眼前的智慧、聰明．他們聽見這一切律例、必說：「這大國的人真是有智慧、有聰明。」那一大國的人有神與他們相近、像耶和華我們的神、在我們求告他的時候與我們相近呢？又那一大國有這樣公義的律例、典章、像我今日在你們面前所陳明的這一切律法呢？你只要謹慎、殷勤保守你的心靈、免得忘記你親眼所看見的事、又免得你一生、這事離開你的心．總要傳給你的子子孫孫。（申 4：6-9）

關於管教，其實有它的基本原則，雖然不必一定要「體罰」，但是強度要足夠。管教的基本條件，依據聖經真理，就是要讓孩子當下感覺到「不舒服」：

凡管教的事、當時不覺得快樂、反覺得愁苦．後來卻為那經練過的人、結出平安的果子、就是義．（來 12：11)

希伯來書十二章提到了管教，強調是親子之間的重要活動，是必要的。管教的原則，一定要使孩子「當時不覺得快樂、反覺得愁苦」，只要能達成這樣的程度，就會出現效果。這效果，就是「結出平安的果子、就是義」，也是管教的目標。所以管教並不是在洩憤，它是有一定的目標要達成的。管教若沒有效果，還不如不管。

所以管教時，做父母的臉一定要嚴肅，要表現出對這件事的重視，不可以好像在跟孩子玩。方法可以是沒收喜歡的東西、剝奪孩子原本可以享受的權益，或是對於孩子的任何請求選擇不回應，斷絕聯絡等等。

當孩子的行為因為痛苦願意迴轉時，要適時予以回應，讓他們知道只要做合神旨意的事，就必蒙福。

你們又忘了那勸你們如同勸兒子的話、說：「我兒、你不可輕看主的管教、被他責備的時候、也不可灰心．因為主所愛的他必管教、又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。」你們所忍受的、是神管教你們、待你們如同待兒子．焉有兒子不被父親管教的呢？管教原是眾子所共受的、你們若不受管教、就是私子、不是兒子了。（來 12：5-8）

By Isaiah Kao

Talking About Discipline (Proverbs 13)

He who withholds his rod hates his son,

But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (Proverbs 13:24, NASB 2020)

In today’s age, when humanistic thinking is strongly promoted, disciplining children is even considered illegal behavior in some countries. I remember once speaking on the topic of religious education at a church in Japan. As long as the Bible says it, I simply say it. Because:

“A wicked messenger falls into adversity,

But a faithful envoy brings healing.” (Proverbs 13:17, NASB 2020)

Here it speaks of two kinds of preachers. One is a “wicked messenger.” He only says what you like to hear, but it is not the truth. In the end, those who listen to him, including himself,“fall into adversity.”

Therefore, in order to be a faithful envoy, I boldly spoke according to what the Bible says about the truth of raising children.

“Train up a child in the way he should go,

Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” (Proverbs 22:6, NASB 2020)

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;

The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15, NASB 2020)

After the seminar, a 

mother came to ask me a question. Her attitude was sincere, but she was very worried. She said, “One day I disciplined my elementary-school child, and he accepted that he was wrong. But then he asked me, ‘Mom, in today’s school communication notebook, there is a box asking whether parents used corporal punishment. What should we check?’”

She said she knew she should raise her child according to the Bible, but should she lie to the teacher at school?

At that moment, I felt that Satan was very cunning. He even uses children as a way to attack.

In fact, the Bible’s teaching about discipline directly mentions using the rod. This is God’s instruction, and it is a wise method, because God Himself says so:

“So keep and do them, for that is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples who will hear all these statutes and say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.’

For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as is the LORD our God whenever we call on Him?

Or what great nation is there that has statutes and judgments as righteous as this whole Law which I am setting before you today?

Only be careful for yourself and watch over your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen, and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons.” (Deuteronomy 4:6–9, NASB 2020)

Regarding discipline, there are basic principles. Although it does not have to be corporal punishment, the intensity must be sufficient. According to biblical truth, the basic condition of discipline is that the child must feel “uncomfortable” at that moment.

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be pleasant, but painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:11, NASB 2020)

Hebrews chapter 12 speaks about discipline and emphasizes that it is an important activity within the parent-child relationship. It is necessary. The principle of discipline is that the child must “not feel pleasant at the time, but painful.” As long as this level is reached, there will be results.

The result is “the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” This is also the goal of discipline.Therefore, discipline is not venting anger; it has a definite goal to achieve. If discipline has no effect, it would be better not to discipline at all.

Therefore, when disciplining a child, parents should have a serious expression, showing that the matter is important. It must not look as if they are playing with the child. The method may include confiscating things the child likes, taking away privileges the child used to enjoy, or choosing not to respond to the child’s requests, cutting off communication for a time, and so on.

When the child’s behavior turns around because of the pain, parents should respond at the right time, letting them know that when they do what is according to God’s will, they will surely receive blessing.

“And you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons:

‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,

Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;

For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,

And He punishes every son whom He accepts.’

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” (Hebrews 12:5–8, NASB 2020)