關於是非判斷的箴言（箴18章）

與眾寡合的、獨自尋求心願、並惱恨一切真智慧。愚昧人不喜愛明哲、只喜愛顯露心意。（箴 18：1-2）

最近遇到一些人，在聖經真理上有獨特的看法，在深談之後甚至令人敬畏。但是令人不解的是，對真理如此透徹了解，為何在與人相處上，總是格格不入，常常發生爭辯、無法與人溝通。

這段經文，終於給了我答案。原來眼前看似有智慧、口若懸河的人，若不願意接受人的看法，「獨自尋求心願、並惱恨一切真智慧」，一味固執，那就要小心了，他可能只是看起來「像」智慧人的愚昧人。「與眾寡合」的人，常指不願意和睦、堅持己見的人，不和睦，已經背離屬靈特質應有的基本條件。

於是，最近遇到的這些看似很有智慧的人，卻不願接受善意的規勸，且口才極佳，會議都只能聽他發表高見。這些「不喜愛明哲、只喜愛顯露心意」，最終還是出了問題，在職份上竟執行了違背真理的事，只能被暫停一切職份，成了愚昧人。

未曾聽完先回答的、便是他的愚昧、和羞辱。（箴 18：3）

願意把話聽完的人，總是比一直插嘴、一直講話的人有智慧，因為他們可以察覺風向，做適當的因應。他們相比於那些「與眾寡合、獨自尋求心願」，不願溝通，對於真智慧充耳不聞的人，這些願意「把話聽完」的另一群人，問題常常能因此迎刃而解。

我還在新民國中學務處時，曾遇到一位國三的學生，因為跟老師發生言語上的衝突，被送來我的辦公室，也就是學務處。當下生教組長就先處理，但是學生不甘示弱，據理力爭，聽起來感覺他認為被誤會，可是似乎沒人要聽他解釋。

這位學生就被叫去學務處外面站立反省。我突然想要了解整個事情的來龍去脈，於是跟生教組長示意要跟學生談一下。生教組長跟我說：「好啦，牧師，你跟他談談看，看會不會跟你告解一下，因為講都講不聽。」我就走出辦公室，看著他，他那急促的呼吸，在看見我之後緩和許多。

我伸出右手，輕輕抓兩下他的肩膀，說：「今天不像平常的你，你怎麼了？」他哭了。一個國三的大男生，剛剛還戰鬥力十足，卻因為一句同理的問候，徹底瓦解心防。他跟我訴說整個過程，原來老師誤解他的意思，認為他的回應不禮貌。聽完之後，我說：「我知道原來你被誤解，但是跟老師這樣說話也是不對的，是吧？要不要去跟老師道個歉，然後我跟生教說明，再看看怎麼處理？」他說：「好！」「要不要跟你一起去找老師？我可以幫你說。」「不用，我可以自己去。」他回應。然後跟我點頭後準備離開，我就轉頭要走進辦公室跟生教組長說明。

這時，他在我後面說：「謝謝老師，聽我把話說完。」

這件事已經過數年，常常在我心中不自覺想起，也作為我在許多相關專題時常舉的例子。這件事，總是提醒自己：「有沒有聽人把話說完？」不聽完，妄自下斷言，或是只顧自己說話，「不喜愛明哲、只喜愛顯露心意」，若是這樣，一方面成了不可愛的人，另一方面也會常常誤事。

先訴情由的、似乎有理．但鄰舍來到、就察出實情。（箴 18：17）

聽話不但要聽完，還要多方面去聽，特別是今天網路資訊充斥的今天，一定要靜下心來，綜合各種說法分析、判斷，不要一看到什麼、聽到什麼，就急著認同、轉貼連結。而且，通常會「先訴情由的」，往往是居心叵測的人，因為怕理由站不住腳，要先聲奪人，覺得先講先贏。然而真理的一方，常心中淡定，不急著為自己爭辯，甚至也沒打算爭辯。這時候，智慧的你，要聽誰的？

所以曾有人問我：「既然現在連傳道者在台上講的道，還是會有不合真理的時後，那該怎麼判斷？」我就回應說：「去找真理的源頭啊！就是主耶穌，常常禱告、每天讀經，聖靈必定為會為你指示正確的道路，因為祂『比弟兄更親密』，隨時都可以找到。」或是聽聽賢妻的話，因她是耶和華所賜，要來幫助我們的。

得着賢妻的、是得着好處、也是蒙了耶和華的恩惠。（箴 18：22）

濫交朋友的、自取敗壞．但有一朋友、比弟兄更親密。（箴 18：24）

By Isaiah Kao

Proverbs on Discernment of Right and Wrong (Proverbs 18)

“He who separates himself seeks his own desire;

He quarrels against all sound wisdom.

A fool does not delight in understanding,

But only in revealing his own mind.” (Proverbs 18:1–2, NASB 2020)

Recently, I have encountered some people who hold unique views on biblical truth. In deeper conversations, their understanding can even bring me a respect. Yet what is puzzling is this: if they understand the truth so thoroughly, why are they often unable to get along with others, frequently falling into disputes and failing to communicate well?

This passage finally gave me the answer. Those who appear wise and speak eloquently, yet refuse to accept others’ perspectives,“seeking their own desire and rebelling against all sound wisdom”—must be approached with caution. They may only appear wise, but are in fact fools. Those who are “separated from others” often refer to people unwilling to live in harmony, insisting on their own views. A lack of harmony already departs from the basic qualities of spiritual character.

So, among those I recently met—who seemed wise but refused correction, and who spoke so well that meetings at all . Those who “do not delight in understanding, but only in expressing their own mind” eventually ran into problems. In their ministry, they even acted against the truth and had to be suspended from all ministries, thus becoming fools.

“He who gives an answer before he hears,

It is folly and shame to him.” (Proverbs 18:13, NASB 2020)

Those who are willing to listen to the end are often wiser than those who constantly interrupt and talk. They can discern the situation and respond appropriately. Compared to those who isolate themselves and refuse to listen, these listeners often find that problems are resolved much more easily.

When I was serving in the Student Affairs Office at Xinmin Junior High School, I once met a ninth-grade student who had a verbal conflict with a teacher and was sent to my office. The head of discipline section handled it first, but the student argued strongly, feeling misunderstood, yet no one seemed willing to hear his explanation.

He was then told to stand outside the office as a form of discipline. I felt prompted to understand the whole situation, so I asked to speak with him. The officer said, “Go ahead, Pastor, see if he’ll talk to you. He won’t listen to anyone.”

I walked out, looked at him, and noticed his rapid breathing slow down when he saw me. 

I gently tapped his shoulder and said, “You’re not like your usual self today. What’s going on?” He broke down in tears. A ninth-grade boy who had just been fiercely argumentative was suddenly disarmed by a simple, empathetic question.

He told me the whole story. It turned out the teacher had misunderstood him and thought he was being disrespectful. After listening, I said, “I understand you were misunderstood, but speaking to the teacher that way was still not right, wasn’t it? Would you be willing to apologize? I can explain things to the discipline officer afterward.” He replied, “Okay.” I asked, “Do you want me to go with you?” He said, “No, I can go myself.”

As he left, I turned back toward the office. 

Then he said behind me, “Thank you, teacher, for listening to me to the end.”

Even after many years, this moment often comes back to my mind. It reminds me to ask myself: Have I truly listened to others to the end? If we do not listen fully, but rush to judgment or only focus on speaking, becoming those who “do not delight in understanding, but only in expressing their own mind,” we not only become unpleasant people, but also make frequent mistakes.

“The first to plead his case seems right,

Until another comes and examines him.” (Proverbs 18:17, NASB 2020)

Not only should we listen fully, but we should also listen from multiple sides. Especially in today’s world filled with online information, we must calm our hearts and carefully evaluate different perspectives. Do not immediately agree with or share something just because you see or hear it first.

Often, those who “plead their case first” may have hidden motives, trying to gain advantage before their reasoning is examined. Meanwhile, those who stand with the truth are often calm, not eager to defend themselves, and sometimes not even intending to argue at all. In such moments, the wise person must discern: whom should you listen to?

Someone once asked me, “If even preachers sometimes speak things that are not fully aligned with the truth, how should we discern?” I replied, “Go to the source of truth—the Lord Jesus. Pray often and read the Bible daily. The Holy Spirit will surely guide you into the right path, because He is ‘closer than a brother’ and always accessible.”

Or listen to the words of a virtuous wife, for she is given by the Lord to help us.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing

And obtains favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22, NASB 2020)

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24, NASB 2020)

By Isaiah